i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
