dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
birth control should be required to get into college
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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