Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
