I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
operation harelip BJ is a go
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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