The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
