did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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