does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
