Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
