yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
look no pants
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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