I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
