I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
