my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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