apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
