Kiss
Puke
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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