dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
