All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
