whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
