the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well you can't waste a boner
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
