how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
