did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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