You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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