she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
