He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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