I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
