I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
