Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
