hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
then he tried to convert me to islam
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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