went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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