im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
