either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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