If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
