why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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