at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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