So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
