Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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