omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
