Will you blow on my dice?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
