It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
