The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
