I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
