I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
