...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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