Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
