so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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