??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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