Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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