I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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