my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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