1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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