I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
