I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
