im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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